even in my dream i cry and i feel guilty

This morning i've dreamed of vanita's visitation with madison. in my dream, they have visited me in my house. i had a chance to talk with vanita and madison. i told madison that he looks familiar. after a while madison went to the comfort room and i had a chance to talk with vanita. i said "its not your fault, its my fault. i didn't tell you everything that i must have said to you." after saying those words i began to cry. madison went back and i immediately stop. END

i don't know why but i feel some guiltiness inside of me. my heart has been shattered for many times. i feel weak and empty.  i'm so pathetic i love them but i never told them what i really feel for them. damn i feel of leaving the philippines but i still can't do that. until now i am running away to face the reality, i'm a risk taker but i can't risk everything when it comes to love.  that fear is the hindrance of my personal freedom.

i can't run away in this reality. i have prepared myself. i might feel some confusion but i need to tell her what i really feel. i know it is the best thing to do. i'm tired of lying, this time i want to give freedom and honor to myself. i pray that my God guide me and give me the right chances.